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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24711634">You are my cage</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinty2000/pseuds/cinty2000'>cinty2000</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Birds, Depression, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Hurt Dick Grayson, Insecurity, Letters, M/M, Mentioned Alfred Pennyworth, Mentioned Barbara Gordon, Mentioned Bruce Wayne, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:07:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24711634</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinty2000/pseuds/cinty2000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick is depressed, tired of living and the bad thoughts don’t leave him. To help himself feel better, he decides to write a letter to the person who keeps him alive and also has him as a bird caged in this earthly plane... </p><p>Bruce Wayne, the man he loves.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dick Grayson/Bruce Wayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You are my cage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <strong>Gotham City,</strong>
</p><p class="p1"><strong>June 13, 2020</strong> </p><p class="p1">
  <em><span class="s1">Dear Bruce:</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s1">I'd like to tell you that today I just feel worse than ever.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Why does a person like me have to live? </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s1">I can’t stop wondering that.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">A part of me hates me too much. I hate myself, Bruce. I loathe myself more than you can imagine.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">There is a person inside me that says horrible things about me.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I quote: <strong>"You’re not worth it, you are useless, you don’t deserve anything."</strong></span> </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">That person I'm talking about is nobody else but me.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I am sick inside, I am broken.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">That’s why no one should cry or care about me.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I'm just a silly circus kid who thought he might be happy.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I no longer want to live, but I must continue to do so. I feel forced and bound.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I just want to rest, it's the only thing I want...</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Bruce, please... If you love me, I beg you to stop giving me hope and I also beg you to help me hate breathing. Hurt me, wound me, break my spirit without mercy.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I don't want you to keep giving me a life, I don't want you to keep giving me a purpose, I don't want you to keep tying me to this earthly plane.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I don't deserve you and I don't deserve anything you give me. I'm not good for you at all... I can't even be a good Robin, why haven't you fired me yet?</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I’m not useful to you, I'm not useful to the world, I'm not useful to anyone.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I'm just a walking nuisance. A boy who must have died that night with his parents.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Why should I continue living this sadness?</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Should I still be in this cage of desperation?</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I want it to end, I want it to end, I want it to end, I want it to end, I want it to end.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Seeing myself in the mirror, I hate doing it because I don't see a damn being. I can’t see a person there, I only appreciate the ghostly face of despair personified.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I am spiritually dead.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I'm tired.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Every day, every single day... I feel like a bird carrying a giant ball of spikes that are embedded in my feathers and my skin.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I know that if I ceased to exist, it really wouldn't matter much. At most, there would be some hurting people. You, Alfred... maybe Barbara and Zitka (if she found out).</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">However, over time, the memory of me would vanish like smoke and hopefully it would stop hurting.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">If I stopped living, I would simply be another human, another leaf that dries and falls off the branch of the tree of life. My existence might be carried by the wind, until it fell apart.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Do you know something, Bruce...? There are times when I prefer to imagine myself as a bird that falls dead in flight just because I think that it would be like leaving this life as a free soul.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">But the reality it’s not like that. I'm still tied to this life, like a caged bird.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">My life doesn’tbelong to me and I can’t end it.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">It's what at least, I owe to God, to my parents and to you Bruce.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s1">I am nobody to decide on that.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">So I have to put up with it, even though all I want is to close my eyes and lose myself in the dream that leads to unconsciousness.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Living is tiresome, living is painful.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">I just want this to stop hurting.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">...</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">...</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">...</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">...</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">...</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">Don't be afraid, Bruce. I'm not going anywhere.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">You should already know that you are the cage that locked me in what we call life.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <strong> <em> <span class="s1">I love you.</span> </em> </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just in case you're curious ... Dick got over his depression and Bruce never knew about that letter.</p><p>Please, don’t forget to leave your comment and kudo ❤️🙌🏻</p><p>P.S. Since English isn’t my mother tongue, the story could’ve some mistakes.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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